Why I’m Scared of Puerto Rico

I have some very exciting news! One week from today, on March 12th, I will be going to Puerto Rico! It will be a short trip, just one week, but I have been wanting to visit Puerto Rico for years. I am very happy that I will finally get to make this dream a reality. There’s just one problem. I have a terrible fear involving Puerto Rico. It has nothing to do with my minor issues with the ocean. Not even my irrational fear of cutting myself on a coral reef and bleeding out in the middle of the sea. You know what I am most afraid of?

Accidently using the word BICHO

I’m sorry to disappoint all those Spanglish lovers out there, but “bicho” does not mean bitch. What does it mean, exactly? Well, that’s a bit complicated.

You see, throughout my years of study and time living in Argentina, I used the word “bicho” freely, as I was always taught that bicho in Spanish means simply, “bug.” I am one of those horribly unlucky people that gets completely attacked and eaten up by bugs not matter where I am. No, seriously, I had issues in New York.  Due to this unfortunate problem of mine, I have uttered the phrases “Me pican los bichos!” (The bugs are biting me) and “Los bichos estan comiendome!” (The bugs are eating me!) many times.

In Puerto Rico, Bicho means Penis

Well, it’s actually quite a bit more vulgar than that. It is better translated to “dick” or “cock.” So if I were to use one of those earlier phrases, I’d be saying something more akin to “the dicks are biting me!” Considering I’ll be spending a good deal of time with my boyfriend’s parents, you can see why I am a bit apprehensive about my trip.

I already plan to basically bathe myself in extra strength Off bug spray every time I so much as step outside for a breath of fresh air. However, the bugs will inevitably get to me anyway. I just have to remember to use the more technical term insecto and try not to make a vulgar sounding fool out of myself. Wish me luck!