The Unsubtle Flirting of a Creepy Student

Welcome to another post in my Dating in Buenos Aires series, where my suffering is your entertainment.

Today’s Subject: Fede

Fede is yet another boy who has made it into the Dating in Buenos Aires series without actually ever dating me. He was just that creepy.

If only teachers could sue for sexual harassment

Like every other expat in Argentina, I taught English for a short period when I first moved here. If you read my Dating in Buenos Aires post from a few weeks ago, Thanks for the English Lesson, Now Take Off Your Shirt, you will know that the teaching thing did not work out so well for me. Fede was another student turned harasser.

Let’s get drunk in your house alone

At first it was innocent, Fede would suggest that I join he and his friends at a bar. When I showed interest in a friendly gathering at a bar, Fede seemed to change his mind about the bar and insisted that drinking at someone’s house was the real way to do it. I agreed, seeing has drink prices are outrageous here. Someone’s house turned into my house because I was the only one who didn’t live with parents. Every time we discussed it, the guest list got smaller and smaller. Eventually he said he could just come over with a bottle of rum and a bottle of coke for just the two of us to share.

“I do not want to hang out with you” is not a subtle way of saying “I’m hard to get”

Fede started ramping up his invitations. He texted me constantly, always with last minute plans. “Hey meet us at a bar near your place” or “What are you doing tonight? Come have a drink with me” and of course “When are we going to have our rum and coke night, teacher?”

His playful way of calling me teacher in a flirty way made me want to vomit. His texts wouldn’t stop. At first I was polite, always saying I had to work or I had other plans. He began to tease me about working too much and being lame, so I started responding more forcefully with messages such as “I do not want to hang out with you.” These messages only seemed to egg him on.

You don’t sleep around? So you’re a virgin, right?

Like most people in Argentina, Fede was confused by the fact that I had not taken a Latin lover. When I tried to explain that the options were quite unsatisfactory, he would have nothing of it. He insisted I was simply a prude. He constantly made dirty jokes about any guy I mentioned. When a friend of a friend crashed on my couch for a week, he immediately asked me how the sex was. I was furious. I snapped, and went off on him about how not all people just sleep with anyone who has the proper parts. He responded by saying “Rease, honestly, are you a virgin?”

The assumption that I was a virgin simply because I do not sleep around was as infuriating as when Joan thought I was a lesbian just because I didn’t want to be with him.

I told him he was a complete “sobrepaso” (roughly, a jerk who always crosses the line) and told him never to speak to me again because I simply could not handle his stupidity and audacity anymore.

Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me!

After telling him not to talk to me, he talked to me more. The texts and gchats were totally out of control. “Rease, have you forgiven me? Rease, when are you going to get over this? Rease don’t be such a baby!” I never responded and eventually, after a couple months, I received a sappy apology email, wishing me a good life. Little dramatic, Fede, don’t you think?

My revenge on the homophobe

One of the many things I hated about Fede was that he was a complete homophobe. When I asked him what he would do if his brother told him he was gay he said “I would cut off his dick because he wouldn’t need it.” Seriously.

Well, while I was still tolerating Fede’s communication, My friend Jorge and I decided to play a glorious prank on him. Jorge is my best friend in Buenos Aires, so naturally everyone thinks we are secretly in love with each other. I promise you, that is not the case, for either of us. However, Fede was convinced that at the very least, Jorge was madly in love with me. Fede simply wouldn’t let it go so one day I snapped at him, yelling at him to just let it go. I was harsh and it set the whole thing up perfectly for the prank.

The next time I saw Fede online, I messaged him, offering an apology. I explained that I am very sensitive about the whole situation with Jorge, especially when it came to talking to him about it. He asked me why it bothered me to talk to him about it. I said “well, I shouldn’t tell you this…”. I let that sink in. I knew I had him. Finally, I added “Okay, I didn’t want to tell you this but I feel like you should know. The reason I know Jorge doesn’t like me is because Jorge is gay. He hasn’t really come out yet, but when he met you he kind of developed a crush on you. He really likes you.”

Fede was mortified.

Jorge isn’t really gay, nor would he ever like a douchebag like Fede, but to this day, I like to imagine that Fede fears running into a lovesick Jorge on the streets of Buenos Aires.