Argentine Pickup Approaches, AKA, Why I’m Single

As for the sweet nothings, well, I’m not sold on that either. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I understand the words, making them less exotic and thus losing their sex appeal, but I think the technique is the main issue.

There seem to be a few different pick up approaches that Argentine men use. I’m not saying these are the only ones, I’m sure there are plenty of worthy Argentine males who are much classier than the men I’m about to describe, but I am a Creepster Magnet, and these are the types of pick ups I am exposed to each and every day.

“Hola, linda!” (hello, pretty girl)
“CHE, LINDA! HOLA!” (HEY, PRETTY GIRL! HI!)
“MI AMOR, COMO TE VA?” (MY LOVE, HOW’S IT GOING?)Oh, Louder the Better Guy, you just can’t take a hint, can you? I heard you the first 3 times you called out to me in such an abrupt manner. I was trying to be polite and simply pretend my headphones blocked you out, but you just had to keep on yelling, didn’t you? Yeah, I heard you and no, I don’t plan on responding to your poorly thought out greeting.

The Dog Wrangler

“Chi chi!”
“Chichichi!”
(Insert whistling and other weird noises used to wrangle dogs)

Really, dude? Really? I know making weird whispering sounds involving “ch”s works on dogs, but it turns out I am a human being. My instincts are a tad more advanced than a canine, so those weird noses are both incredibly annoying and wildly offensive. What exactly do you expect, that I will come bounding toward you like a loyal animal? Save your wrangling skills for your dog walking job and keep your distance.

The Hit and Run

This involves a guy whole walks past you, usually at quickened pace, and quietly mutters something like:
“Que linda que sos” (How beautiful you are)
“Que belleza” (What beauty)
“Que hermosa” (How beautiful)

Now, on their own those seem like pretty nice compliments. However, when they are being whispered in your ear as an unknown man rushes past you, it is more likely to send a chill up your spine than give you butterflies in your stomach.

The Horny Old Man

To be fair, these exist everywhere, but they seem to be a lot more verbal here. These men usually spring up while I’m out for a run. As I sprint past them, sweaty and in work out clothes, they yell out things like:
“Mira que cuerpo” (look, what a body)”
“Hola, mi amor!” (hello, my love!)
“Hermosa” (Beautiful!) *Usually said with a snake-like hiss on the S, upping creepiness about 50%.

The Honk-Happy Driver

These guys don’t even bother with words, they just show their enthusiasm by blowing their horn at you, repeatedly. You might think you are about to be hit by a bus, but no, some douche bag driver just thinks you are hot and has decided to show this sentiment by laying on that horn as if his favourite soccer team just won the World Cup.

So, if you’re wondering why I have not taken an Argentine lover, now you know.