What to Do if Liam Neeson is Not Your Dad

I have been on many buses in South America. There is almost always a movie playing, usually something terrible like Sex and the City 27 or Charlie St. Cloud. However, the movie I have seen more times than any other on a bus is the movie Taken.

For those of you who are not familiar with the movie Taken, it is about a 17 year old girl who goes gallivanting off to Europe with a friend and then gets kidnapped at the airport. She is then drugged and sold into a sex-slave ring and the only person who can find her is her super-secret agent and all-around badass dad who is played by Liam Neeson.

If you haven’t seen this, you might want to take a quick look at the trailer:

Honestly, it is a pretty sweet movie. I am all about watching Liam Neeson kick ass and kill people, but it is not exactly the best movie to be showing on a bus in South America. The first time I saw it I was with my friend Rachel traveling to various cities in Uruguay, Argentina and Chile. We spent plenty of time minding our items and trying to keep away from petty thieves, but apparently we also should have been worried about kidnapping and sex-slavery!

Liam Neeson is not my dad

If Liam Neeson was not in this movie, the whole plot would simply fall apart. The movie would only last about 20 minutes and would go a little something like this: Two girls fly to Europe, giddy with freedom. Within minutes of their arrival, they are kidnapped and drugged. After being drugged they are sold to skeezy rich men as sex slaves. THE END.

The whole movie the audience follows Liam Neeson as he contacts all his mysterious connections, arms himself with enough guns to be in a game of HALO, and uses his out of control combat skills to take down any man who threatens to foil his rescue mission. You get a few glimpses of the horrifying stuff that is happening to his daughter and the friend she was traveling with, but the whole time you are just watching Liam and wondering if his badassery will be enough to save the two of them.

Spoiler: The friend does not make it.

Well of course she doesn’t make it! Liam Neeson isn’t her dad! Let’s be real here, if you get kidnapped by sex-slave salesman, you are done-zo. So, while I was hanging out on this bus and watching this totally twisted movie, I was forced to face the very cruel reality: Liam Neeson is not my dad and I am totally screwed. Seriously people, who is choosing the movies for these buses?!

So…What Should You Do?

I kind of tricked you into this post by making you think I had some pretty serious gems of safety tips, but really, the tips are pretty obvious. First off, don’t believe all the scare-tactic nonsense that tells you not to travel! I see so many movies and articles that make the world seem like an impossibly dangerous place and it keeps so many people, especially solo female travelers, from seeing the world.

Keep away from shady men, don’t give out your exact address, try not to look like a virgin (as it would make you more valuable in the sex-slave market), you know, the usual.

The real safety tip would be to avoid watching any movies shown on a bus. Judging from the movies I have watched, you will likely begin to believe things such as:

• Learning languages can happen quickly and easily, especially if you fall in love with someone who speaks that language
• Giving men ultimatums will eventually force them to chase you down in  dramatic, public setting to declare that they cannot live without you
• Hot girls will hook up with you if you get in some sort of illogical life or death situation
• If you travel alone as a woman you will get kidnapped and die (unless your dad is Liam Neeson)

So seriously, bring an iPod or a book, because these movies are not doing you any favors.