Hilarious Happenings of Hollywood, FL
For my 6 day trip to Miami, I chose to stay the first three in Hollywood, Florida, which is just 25 minutes outside of Miami in the Hollywood Beach Suites, Hostel and Hotel. The town is actually pretty cool, though certainly not as glamorous as the Hollywood on the other side of the country. There were many things I enjoyed about my stay in Hollywood, such as the easy access to delicious brunches and cheap drinks, but my favorite were the encounters I had with the people around the hotel.
All in the family
Pedro and I stayed at a hotel that had several family-style rooms as well as traditional ones. We were placed next to a very, well, spirited, family that provided a good amount of entertainment during our stay.
The first day, Pedro got stuck in the awkward position of being far too close to a venting session between sisters. While the pregnant sister smoked and complained about the weather, the other sister whined about how her skirt was far too long. Clearly, these are both things that warrant 20 minutes of bitching. They seemed to be competing to have the most annoying issue of the day, hoping to get sympathy from the other about their complaints. Shortly thereafter, the dog they brought along began to bark incessantly. The family counteracted this by yelling over the dog’s barks until the dog actually opened the door himself. What is this smart dog doing with this crazy family?
Crown Vics and Texas Hicks
Pedro used a coupon for a standard compact car rental but when he got there, they were all out of Ford Focus-esque cars. When they offered him a Crown Victoria as a replacement, he was more than happy to accept.
Damn it feels good to be gangsta
After parking the car outside the Hollywood Beach Suites Hostel and Hotel, we got stopped by a rotund woman wearing a moo-moo and sporting a blonde/brown/gray hair mix in a bun. Pedro and I are still in debate about whether or not she was pregnant, but seeing as she was smoking, let’s hope she was not. She waddled over to us and practically yelled “that your car?” Pedro, being a lot nicer than I am, said yes and actually stopped walking. Mistake.
Over the next 10 minutes, Pedro and I were held hostage and forced to hear all about this woman’s life. Apparently, she once had a Crown Victoria just like the one we had rented. She seemed mysteriously silent on what happened to the car she loved so much, but not at all silent on the rest of her life. We found out she was from Texas, here with her family, and enjoyed the beach, even though the weather was not to her liking those past few days. Her southern drawl, horribly unacceptable attire and mysterious nostalgia for a big, black car that seems to have disappeared from her life were really not adding any positive notes to my preconceived notions of Texans. I’m sorry, I’m from the Midwest where the only Texans we encounter are the kinds with confederate flag t-shirts that say things like “Everything’s Bigger in Texas” or something equally ridiculous. As I desperately tried to inch away from this woman, Pedro egged her on, not only answering any questions she had, but asking follow up questions. I am pretty sure he was doing this just to watch me squirm. Eventually, Perhaps Preggers Texan let out a long sigh and allowed us a window for escape. As soon as we were out of earshot, I cracked up laughing and declared that interaction blog-worthy.
