Love and Travel: The Ultimate Battle
The battle between love and travel is one that many travelers are familiar with. It comes in many forms, and the results span a large spectrum between complete destruction and happy marriages. I have had my own issues with balancing love and travel, and it hasn’t ever been easy or clean, but travel seems to come out victorious again and again.
The beginning of the end
I dated the same guy all through college. Let’s call him Parker. Parker and I did so well together for so many years. We had so much in common, and we seemed to want similar things in life. It turned out, we didn’t. As graduation grew closer, I continuously tried to convince Parker that we should move abroad for 6 months or so. At first, he loved the idea and would happily talk about it. We decided we would move to Mexico after we graduated, so I could work and gain experience for 6 months and he could write. However, when I started showing him apartments and jobs, he began to pull away. Suddenly, after months of telling me we would be moving, he was unsure. He made up excuses like his lack of Spanish skills would make it impossible for him to live there, or we couldn’t live abroad before we got married. He completely 180ed on me. I should have seen this as a sign, but I just didn’t.
I didn’t want to believe that happiness like this could fade.
I lied to myself
After the post-graduation move was scrapped, we decided to take a 3 week trip to Mexico. I say we but really, I begged him to go. Once again, he was all enthusiasm when it was just talk, but when I went to buy the flights, he whined that he didn’t have the money. I was so set on going that I paid for his plane tickets. I even bought him shorts when he complained he had nothing to wear. I told myself “we were practically married anyway, he can pay me back whenever!”
The trip should have set off alarms for me. While we were there, he refused to learn a word of Spanish other than “cerveza” (beer). He depended on me for absolutely everything- he wouldn’t even buy a soda from a gas station without me by his side. He spent a lot of time on facebook, chatting with friends he had met in London while “studying abroad” (more like getting drunk abroad). I loved him, and I still had fun with him, so I ignored the fact that our travel styles didn’t match up at all.
After the trip, we said we would move to Mexico after he finished Student Teaching, meaning the January after graduation. He agreed to shut me up, and I think deep down, I always knew that. However, I loved the lie. I paid extra to have only a 6 month lease on my apartment and dreamt of Mexico.
However, every time I brought up anything, he would get angry. He gave up on teaching, lived at home with his parents and worked at a pizza place. He’d complain that I wanted too much from him. I would nag that he was so much better than the person he had become. I was moving forward. He was staying still.
Even on vacation in Mexico, I had my doubts.
We were destroying each other
I got a great job right out of college as a bilingual preschool teacher. It didn’t pay much, but I private tutored and took a night job so I could build my travel funds. Meanwhile, Parker worked minimal hours and acquired more credit card debt. Obviously, Mexico wasn’t going to happen. Of course, there were so many other issues in our relationship, but travel was a big one. It was so clear that my dream of living abroad and traveling around the world was not a dream he shared. He loved London because he could get a Guinness and watch a soccer match at a pub without picking up a phrase book. He didn’t share that love for Mexico, and I knew he wouldn’t share it for anywhere else I wanted to go.
I truly wanted him to be a better person. I wanted to save him, but I couldn’t give up my own dreams and wait around. It had been 8 months since graduation, and I was sick of waiting. I gave him an ultimatum. I didn’t tell him we had to travel right away, but I made it clear it was a priority, which meant he needed to work on managing his money better (as he still hadn’t paid me back from the Mexico trip 5 months earlier) and figuring out some sort of direction. He wanted me to stay, he promised he’d be better.
We broke up anyway
In the end, he couldn’t take me pushing him to better himself. Instead of facing his depression and fear of the future, he distanced himself from everyone other than his drinking buddies. The breakup was horribly messy, the conversation took hours and we both bawled. However, as soon as he was gone, one word came into my mind: Argentina.
I stumbled to my computer, opened Facebook and located the only person I knew in Argentina. A guy named Jorge I had met in a hostel in Buenos Aires 4 years earlier and had only vaguely kept in touch with. I wrote him the following message:
Jorge,
I am more serious than ever about moving out of the country. I need out, as far as possible. I could be available as early as June 1st if I could get out of my lease. Maybe after summer so I could save up a couple thousand more. If you know of any job I could get down there, I would appreciate it.
Thanks,
Rease
Yes, it was dramatic and a little crazy – but I was serious. I planned my move and a few months later, I moved to Buenos Aires where I lived for nearly 2 years. It was there that I got to truly explore my love of traveling. I started my blog, made travel blogging friends, played tour guide to visitors in Buenos Aires. I chose travel over love, and it was the best decision for me. I am not saying it’s the best decision for everyone, or that love and travel cannot work together – but this is how my battle between love and travel played out, and I couldn’t be happier.
